


Regrets

by Lia_Hawk



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-11 13:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7894162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lia_Hawk/pseuds/Lia_Hawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aric Jorgan will fight all he could to reconcile with his wife, the ruthless Commander of Havoc Squad. Even when she is missing and declared killed in action.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is deviating from KotFE and the changes that swtor implemented with the influence system in patch 4.0. Companion conversations progress based on story progress, not influence/affection. So it planted a seed with my DS female trooper and Aric dynamic and here's the result. 
> 
> The story starts after Chapter 1 of KoTFE.

Coruscant was no longer the same since the Republic surrendered to Zakuul. Aric examined the surroundings of the spaceport he had just stepped out of, and recognised the grimness is reflected of the situation of the galaxy that he's felt. Havoc Squad has fallen apart, the Senate in shambles, billions of lives lost in battle. 

And his wife and Commander was still missing.

He was the sentimental fool when he sent that mail to Antonia’s mailbox, saying it was far too long for her to be away. She would have found it slightly amusing, no doubt. They were both stubborn to the core when conflicts arose in their relationship. Neither would speak unless Antonia took the initiative. But as their relationship continued, Antonia’s determination for resolution deteriorated. Neither of them spoke before the Thunderclap’s arrival on Darth Marr’s ship, and Antonia’s last words to Aric was the order to run back to the Republic to warn them. Like a good soldier, he may protest, he may disapprove, he may grumble, but he will follow orders. 

_ What help did that do _ , Aric thought bitterly as he walked to the Senate Tower with trepidation. Not only the early warning didn't help the Republic get an edge when the exact same forces came to decimate the Republic. As the Republic surrendered to Zakuul, the Republic was forced to pay heftily with tribute and lives lost fighting them. 

Not to mention that his wife did not return yet. 

A wife that was still angry at him, one whom he never told that he loved before she disappeared on Marr’s flagship. Oh he knew he loved her, expressed in many ways. But while their romance blossomed when respect was mutually established. Their marriage was a happy one at first, but they met hurdles that neither of them did well to overcome in the short term. 

Grief always returned to haunt him now when he is alone since he knew he should have fought harder for her. Not being stubborn and stuck in his ways when she decided to profit off supplies that civvies could have used. Or the time she ruthlessly cut down a traitor to Revan who would turn back to the Republic. Or the time she burned all the P.O.Ws to save Sergeant Jaxo. 

Countless times, they fought for their beliefs. And made up. And fought again. And stars, when they made up again against a wall.

He took her presence for granted. And now, Antonia missing for a year has burnt a hole in his soul. Call it an obsession, call it cathar mates for life, call it hopeless love, he needed Antonia back in his life. He was barely holding it together.

A voice called him, interrupting his thoughts. His dazed expression looked around before finding a blonde woman waving him over. Recognising Elara from the distance, Aric breathed a sigh of relief with a recognisable face. He and Elara were the last two individuals of Havoc Squad, with many members leaving for their own resignations and transfers.

Aric knew Elara took a huge risk, being on thin ice due to the uprise of Imperial hatred within the re-elected Senate within the Republic. But he appreciated Elara being here to fight to keep finding Antonia. Part of him was glad he's not crazy in going forward in this fight.

“Stars, you look awful, Jorgan! Have you not been sleeping?” Elara shot him a concerned glance when he got closer to her.

All Aric could muster was a shrug. “Not really.” 

While he has grown fond of Elara and had cherished their friendship in the last two years, Aric was not in the mood to entertain her with his nightmares. Of his wife being dead in his arms on Darth Marr’s ship. Or countless nights waking up of seeing Antonia, her bright red eyes lighting up seductively as she undresses him, before realising it was all a dream.

Elara, having served with him for several years, recognised that he was not going to speak on the matter further. “How about I send you a prescription of sleeping pills. Would that help?”

“I would appreciate that.” Aric nodded. “Thanks, Dorne.”

“It's the least I can do.” Elara’s lower lip quivered, showing the stress she’s going through. Aric doesn't blame her. While she is still in Havoc Squad, her actions and access to many records have been restricted and monitored. He felt really awful for her being stuck back on probation with the side she decided to defect to and remain loyal during the last few years.

“Should we head up now for the hearing?” Aric’s eyes scanned the amount of traffic going in and out of the Senate building. Although he has promptly arrived early, he knew with a lot of political upheaval will be many unhappy lobbyists, civilians and military waiting to talk to bureaucracy. The Senate Tower would soon have security controlling the crowds until the late evening.

“We should make a good impression.” Elara promptly leads them through the stairs, up to one of the hearing rooms designated for military court rulings.

All Aric was holding onto was a shred of hope. He hopes that Command would remember his wife’s contribution as Commander of Havoc Squad. How she’s pulled herself out of missions against all odds. How they could ignore her chiss race and her family’s impeccable service to the Republic...

Aric was too deep in his thoughts until Elara coughed a little to let him know they’ve arrived for the hearing. Calming himself and, keeping his posture straight, he sits down in the front desk in front of the Military Court. He could feel the tension with Elara’s presence in the courtroom. He ignored the whispers and the looks.

Turning up five minutes late, the Military Board begin to fill in. All of them dressed for the formal occasion. Like them, Aric wore his officer’s uniform to the hearing, and had made sure it was ironed and clean. He could hear his wife grumbling about it in his head, mainly about ironing. And Aric would hold down a laugh as he shows her how easy it is.

Aric gritted his teeth.  _ This is not a good time to think about your wife… _

Behind him, he saw the Board leader stand up, and the room was silence. He did a slight cough and began to read the results of their appeal from the datapad. 

And all hope was lost.

Aric got to his feet and slammed his hand down on the table. Usually at hearings, he would be contained, but his thin control shattered. All the pent up frustration from the last year came up to the surface. There was no way the Military Board could repel their appeal to remove Antonia’s status as KIA. “This is ridiculous! Antonia was not killed in action! She’s still out there!”

Elara also stood to her feet. She was also looking flustered, clearly upset with the results of their appeal to overturn their commander’s status. “But General, there is no evidence of Major Jiric’s body or trace of her body with the wreckage. Previous missions before, Major Jiric had take months to report success of a classified mission...” 

“Unfortunately, it has been over a year and there has been no word.” The board leader’s voice broke their words, ignoring their protests. “While Major Antonia Jiric has helped the Republic as Commanding Officer of Havoc Squad, she has no returned from a flagship that was disintegrated by the former enemy. There is little doubt that she did not survive. Weighting on the evidence, Major Jiric’s status will remain as killed in action.”

Aric growled, something he hasn’t done in front of his superiors since he was made a scapegoat for most of the previous Havoc’s Squad’s defection several years back. Now, it all feels like it is his wife’s turn, despite her death not being the Republic’s fault. It felt like it was his fault. “I can’t believe you would give up on the most decorated and successful soldier of the Republic.”

The General’s words broke through his anger. “Decorated soldiers, no matter what they have done for us, die in war. Even a chiss and from a background that was once Imperial allied.” He eyed Elara for a moment before turning to face Aric. “It is inevitable, but with the current situation, we can’t have Havoc Squad sitting there while the Republic struggles against bigger threats.” 

“Medals and honours will be given to the Major’s service. It’s the least we can do.” He paused, taking note of Aric’s outburst. “Finding a new commander for Havoc Squad will be necessary. Although, there is some concern with your relation with the deceased Major. So if you plan to advance your career, Lieutenant, you will let go and be silent on the matter. Perhaps a psyche evaluation would be recommended for the Lieutenant.”

Aric didn’t take threats well. But he couldn't bite back. He sat back down, clenching his fist. He held onto his tongue as the hearing concluded. He stared at the General as the Board packs up and heads out. As much as the words cut deeply, the General was right.  _ Damn their logic!  _

“We did the best we could.” Elara shook her head as they exited the courtroom, hanging back from the crowd leaving the Senate. “But it is inevitable, they need Havoc Squad back to the front lines.” 

“It won’t be the same.” Aric looked ahead. “We've lost our soul without Antonia. And Vik and Yuun have left, and Forex is recommissioned elsewhere. And you…”

“I am an former imperial, now considered untrustworthy in the eyes of the Republic,” Elara finished the sentence, with a hint of bitterness. “When that day comes and I am told to leave, you will still be here to hold Havoc Squad together. But if they decide to give you a psych evaluation...”

“I will be fine.” Aric growled, remembering the General’s threats on believing him to be unhinged.

Elara nods. “I hope so. We do not know what is going to happen next for Havoc Squad…”

All Aric could do was nod. If he was offered the position as Commander of Havoc Squad several years ago, he would have been over the moon and accepted it in a heartbeat. But now, with the cost of his wife now considered dead to the Republic and guilt associated with the potential promotion, he’ll rather go back to Antonia’s lieutenant any day. He would rather have his wife back, in a happier time. It was her squad, as much as he disagreed with what she did, not his to take and occupy.

“I will do it, for the Republic. I’ll keep Havoc ready when Antonia returns,” Aric said aloud, his feet hitting hard concrete as they exited the Senate Tower. The words he spoke clung to hope for a moment, before doubt seeps in. 

_ What if the Republic is right? What if Antonia is truly dead? _

There was little time for regrets, since he has a long road to walk without his wife. 

If only Aric knew that the lonely road would be several years’ long. 


End file.
